My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize