tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
