Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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