I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
