soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
