I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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