He kissed a someone with a penis
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
