Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize