I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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