I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
