Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
