my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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