apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't turn off my feet"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
