k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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