my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
