Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
