you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
