Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Send help, water and tortillas.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
