I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
