Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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