its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
