For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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