i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
