if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize