idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
