the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
