you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
