This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
