Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
