I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
