yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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