Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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