she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
