Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
