The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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