Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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