Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
