Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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