How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
