They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
