She announced her abortion via fbk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
