3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
