I'm really into asian looking animals
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
