i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
