I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
