They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
