im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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