just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize