Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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