btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize