I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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