I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
