how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
