The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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