Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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