I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
