remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
