How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
