I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
