Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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