Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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