You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
