the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
