The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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