I wish I could teleport
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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