I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My life is pants optional.
Randomize