the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
