Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize