And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
