Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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