I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
