im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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