You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize