Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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