Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
