I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
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