I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
