found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
